Is your need for validation a set back?

March 23, 2016


Do you ever wake up in the morning and wonder why you are not where you want to be in your life?  I do this a lot.  And don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life.  But I am a dreamer and a seeker, which sounds cool and everything but in reality kind of feels like a constant yearning for something unknown or some dream just out of reach.  I’m always wondering what’s next and I live in a constant state of boredom.  Even when I’m overwhelmed with work and tasks, I still feel bored.  It’s not necessarily the typical way we describe boredom, like not having anything to do, it’s more of an itch that won’t go away.  An itch that is constantly tugging at me no matter how much I ignore it.  It feels like something shoving me to fulfill my life’s purpose and yet I don’t know what exactly that is. 

But what I have discovered over years of searching, is that I do know, at least for the most part, which direction I need to go in.  And I really think that most of us who feel like this, also know their general path.  So what keeps us caught up in the loop hole of boredom and dissatisfaction? 

It is the need for validation that keeps us stuck.  It’s the fallacy that we must be validated that keeps us from trotting down the paths we desire to travel down.  There are those people who naturally don’t give a shit what other people think and validation has never even crossed their minds.  And there are those of us that find it hard, if not impossible, to be vulnerable in the world.  We seek constant validation from others to move into who we want to be, and put our work out into the world.

If you really think about it, people are seeking validation everywhere on the planet.  People go to church to validate their existence from God.  Corporate America (for the most part) is set up to validate the quality of your work through pats on the back and bonuses.  I mean, validation feels good.  In some circumstances it can give us purpose in our lives and keep us moving forward.

But it can also do the opposite, which is really what I am talking about.  Because what if you put yourself out there and you get the opposite of validation?  Rejection.  Ouch.  Every time I write, this need validation is playing the in back of my mind.  I wonder if I am being too deep when I write.  I wonder if anyone cares.  I wonder if anyone will actually read it (besides my mom).  It’s like I need that pat on the back to keep going.  And that right there, becomes the biggest set back.  Because what if people are reading your writing, are hearing your message, are inspired by your art or whatever you are creating.  What if you are contributing to their lives and you have no idea, just because some one didn’t hit “like” doesn’t mean it’s not a contribution. 

Those little internal pushes are the ones that have allowed me to get where I am in my life and I know that they will push me to continue creating, contributing to the world and allowing myself to be vulnerable.  By letting go of the need for validation, trusting that your vulnerability is making a difference, realizing that your work is not for everyone and letting those internal pushes guide your life with catapult you toward something great.

Where in your life have you found your need for validation sets you back? 


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *