the heart and the head

January 16, 2017

Floating in water

The head and the heart has a better ring to it, buuuut I don’t want to get sued. I don’t have time for that shit.  Anyway, if I had a penny for every time I heard “just follow your heart,”  but to be honest, I’m not convinced that is always the best choice.  My heart, bless its heart, has led me into some pretty painful situations in life.  And I have followed, ignoring everything else but the flutters in my belly, trusting completely that my heart always knows best.  Leaving all logic behind, ignoring the flags my intuition is aggressively waving in front of my face and truly only seeing what I want to see, the illusion beautifully painted by they heart.  But illusions can only last so long.  And when they dissolve, where are you?  Personally, my heart is a glutton for punishment.  It doesn’t matter how much I am broken, rejected or hurt by someone.  It is not capable of grudges, it is not capable of revenge.  It waits there, like a god-damn puppy, with open-arms to its abuser, wanting to forgive and serve.  And then, eventually the heart hardens and begins to defend itself, and although it’s caring never fades, it’s vulnerability slowly diminishes until you can’t even remember what it felt like to have no walls.

Man, that was depressing.  Sorry about that.  I promise it gets less depressing.  But first….

Let me tell you about the mind.  I can’t speak for everyone, but my mind is a real mother-fucker.  It won’t shut-up, it’s constantly babbling weird-ass, made-up shit into my ear.  It’s consistently inconsistent and often can’t make up it’s mind.  (Quite the conundrum) But I will say, it doesn’t take all the crap the heart does.  It has a laundry list on standby, ready to rattle off all the logical and practical reasons not to follow the heart.  It might be right sometimes.  But on that list is also all the reasons not to take chances or make choices, to stay fearful and safe, pretty much to completely nix the entire idea of anything outside of it’s small and limited perception.  Did I mention it’s in constant judgment of you and everyone and everything around you?  Fun right?

I’m not suggesting that following the heart or the head is wrong.  Each have some very lovely qualities. Some people live perfectly happy lives doing so.  But for those of us feeling like we are stuck in some Mobius strip, cycling around and around, hoping that something will eventually change, there is something else available.  It’s called Awareness.

It starts with a choice to simply question they way you have been functioning and acknowledge the idea that something else is available.  It doesn’t even matter if at first you have no f-ing clue what it might look like. 

Awareness is the capacity to consciously choose people and experiences that enhance and contribute to your life.  It is the chance to get out of the cycle and create from a place of possibility and expansion instead of stagnation and old patterns.  It is you functioning completely as you.  It’s taking responsibility for everything in your life.  It’s asking questions instead of coming to conclusions.  It’s being completely vulnerable and seeing what is.  It will bust you out of any wall you have built, and eliminate the havoc created by the mind.  It’s peaceful.  It’s raw.  It’s both the head and the heart, and neither of them.  It’s free of trauma and drama.  It’s a space where you no longer shrink yourself to a two-foot pile of disaster to make someone love you, want you, choose you.  It’s a complete honoring of you.

What if it’s just time to evolve?


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